Dec 31, 2007


The year 2007 was full of contrasts - of ups and downs. It presented a procession of happy moments and bad times. Made new set of friends, saw extremely boring moments to happiest ones. I mostly relied on my luck this year to succeed in my own shattering enterprises. I did take way too many risks and got through but couldn't escape few hick-ups on the way.

I was well-motivated by all my friends, had so many ambitions and always believed in my chances. Had to leave for my new ambition. All the year I was just running to reach on time if not in time.

And finally the year ended on the happier note...

Wishing all my friends a very happy and prosperous new year ahead!

Dec 8, 2007

No Commitments please! (the end)

I didn't inform my dad about the flight details as I wanted to give them a little surprise and more over I wanted to spend couple of hours with Neelima. I couldn't figure out a time frame when and where can I meet her as mom and dad will not allow me to go out for at least two to three days. So I made a call to Neelima and asked her to come to airport.

It started raining when I walked out of the airport. Neelu was standing on the other side of the road with an umbrella. She gained little weight and was looking more prettier. I fell in love yet again after seeing her.

"Hi ma'am"
"Hi prasad..."
"Gawd! you are looking so gorgeous that I think I deserve a kiss from you..."
"Shut up... where are we going now?"
"ahh... Well, I didn't think of anything yet, so first we'll go to Ohri's and have lunch then we'll think of where to go..."
"Ok sir..."

After lunch we went to Necklace road and walked for while holding our hands before we settled at the Eat Street.

"Hmm... so how are you, you lost so much of weight. Look at you, you look like a father of two kids..."
"Yeah, I know... got to join a gym soon..."
"You better, and how are girls in you city sir?"
"Girls... I guess you were the first girl in this one and half years I talked to except for my instructor in lab, the lady bus conductor, the lady bartender, the cashier in the super market and the waitress in the hotel near my house..."
"ahan, that's really sad..."

Neelima took my hands into her and looked into my eyes. Tears started to slip on her tender cheeks.

"Prasad... I did a mistake, a terrible one and I'm so shameless to see directly into your eyes and talk to you like this..."
"Hey... what happened??"
"I donno what to say and how to say...but then I can't keep you in dark for long, I can't cheat you..."
"are you telling me what happened or not?"
"Prasad... I'm pregnant ...."
"I'm sorry , I'm really sorry prasad... "

I couldn't digest that, I started feeling beaten. As If I had come to tad end of my life, there's nothing left. I rose from the chair and walked away leaving her there. From there I went to a bar and boozed till I lost my senses. I cried my heart out, cried so much that my tears dried out.

Next day morning I saw myself in my room. I got up with headache . Poo got into the room and bolted.

"Hmm... dad brought you from the bar last night... What happened, why were you so upset?"
I hugged poo tightly and cried...
"Hey ... what happened, will you tell me something please, I feel like crying now..."
"Hmm..nothing, I missed you badly and mom and dad..."
"We too missed you yaar... please come back for ever...please..."

Poo wiped my tears and gave a peck on my forehead. Next minute I went to dad and said that I wanted to marry Neelu. My mom rushed into the house from the veranda when she heard that and hugged me. My dad was in little confusion on how to react for my decision.

In the evening I got a call from Neelima...

"Prasad... are you sure you want to marry me...?", She was crying on the other end.
"Yes, I am... and I appreciate your boldness to reveal about the incident to me..."
"I'm planning for an abortion ..."
"No, you will not do that... why you want to kill the part of yours because of your mistake... Ok listen, happened so happen, I'm ready to accept the child. Will you marry me neelima?"
She hung up the phone...

We got married after two weeks on forcing from my end. Later after a week the day before I was returning to Germany we sat with our parents and weaved a story that we fell in love two years back itself and then we got close physically. I didn't where did I gathered the enough guts to talk to them. We confided the news of the pregnancy. They got shocked for a while and then everything came back to normalcy. They felt happy for us for correcting our mistake and blessed us. This released immense pressure from me.

Back to the cafe...

"That was a brave decision bro. I feel so proud of you", Avinash said.
"Hmm... thanks man... But then I still can't believe what made her to do that...I didn't want to know how and where it all happened"
"There will be few moments in life where no one can have a hold on his/her feelings..."
"Yeah... I understand that... so that's how I'm gonna be a father soon..."
"that's cool bro..."
"Chalo, let's go now we got a seminar in fifteen minutes..."
"Yeah, you carry on, will catch you in a moment. Have to make a call..."
"Ok, cya then..."

"yeah me... I'm really feeling guilty for what happened... we shouldn't have done that... anyways by God's grace everything is fine now... you got give so much of love to Prasad from now on till your last breathe... Take care of yourself and goodbye".


That day I met Neelima on New year's day party. I got so attracted to her that I couldn't take my eyes off her. Her friends forced her to drink. She had so much that she lost her senses. Neelima stayed back at her friend's place. On the way back to home my bike got skid and I got injured. My friend took me back to her home from the hospital.

She ushered towards the room where I had to sleep. I accidentally got into Neelima's room. As I was going out Neelima held my hand and pulled onto the bed, she started kissing taking prasad's name. At that moment it hardly mattered what was happening I couldn't resist the animal instincts in me that night.

Next day she realized the terrible mistake that happened that night. I had really hard time consoling her. I felt guilty for what I did. She was shivering and crying, I didn't knew what to tell her. After shaking herself little bit she asked me not to tell this to anybody and never try to meet her....


Dec 1, 2007

No commitments please! part 5

continued from here...

Germany made me feel nervous. When I went to S'pore I wasn't that nervous then. May be the age factor, I have become a responsible adult and this feeling made me feel lonely. Initially I had problem in acclimatizing but as the days passed I got settled down. New people, new friends, new neighbors, even I started boozing now. My first cocktail was "sex in beach" and then "long island", I started drinking beer like water.
The weather was always warm mainly but one day while coming back from my work place and all of sudden I was standing in the snowfall, ah! awesome was the word. It was only in movies I saw snowfall but now I'm standing in the snowfall! I wished neelima was here with me at this moment. I missed her badly. We haven't been in touch for ages, no phone call, no mail nothing. We took each other for granted. But then I wasn't having much time to think other than my research work. It was very slow progressing one, takes months at times to see some progress into it.

Staying in room with new people, they were of all kind, selfish, unselfish. But I learnt one thing never rely on anyone, it's all you who's gonna help. I started knowing myself better now, saw the untamed world around me waiting to conquer me and destroy. I became kinda indifferent by nature, not bothered of what's happening around, all I bothered was me. Can't even remember when was the last I talked to dad, mom and poo. Poo used to send mails and I hardly replied a couple of them. And no mail from Neelima, I thought of mailing one to her to know what's up with her. But felt weird to mail one, don't know why, just took her for granted and thought she was doing fine and so she would have mailed me if something was wrong. Not that I didn't mail any, mailed her couple of times but I didn't receive one reply for those mails.

It was on the new year day I decided to make a call to her.

"Hello, neelima?"
"yea, how are you?"
"I'm fine, and how are you?"
"I'm ok, hey did you get my mails? I never received any reply for those..."
"Ahh... I forgot to tell you, my ID got deleted, it's not active anymore... and I didnt have your email ID, I never memorised"
"oh ok, anyways did you create one?"
"ok... hey happy new year maam"
"thanks and wish you the same sir, so how are celebrating the eve?"
"well, with chivasregal..."
"who? you colleague huh?"
"hehehe...that's a hard drink neelu..."
"When have you started this ?"
"hey chill, just couple of pegs, it's very cold out here and right now I'm standing in the snowfall..."
"hmm... I hope you are telling truth to me..."
"oh cmon now, jus 2 pegs that's, jus to taste that's it..."
"ok ok , your wish, just take care of yourself..."
"yes maam"
"hey prasad, your mom n dad have come to my house. I have to go....bye..."
"oh! is it, give them the mobile I'll talk to them ..."
"good joke! ok then I'm hanging up the phone..."
"ok ok, love you, bye.."
"love you too, bye.."

After I hung up the phone I felt too bad of me for the first time. I thought she wasn't bothering about me, but there she had a problem in contacting me, I'm sitting here instead of calling her and asking how was she... I felt happy after talking to her... everything seemed normal again... felt like I smiled after good one year and the effect was there because of that, my cheeks were paining...

As summer was approaching and my research work was running at a snail pace, saw hardly any developements so I kept myself busy with paper presentations. One day I got call from dad...
"hello prasad, how are you?"
"I'm fine dad, how are you, mom n poo?"
"All are good prasad, prasad I thought of asking if you could come to India for couple of weeks, we want to see you prasad...."
"I too want to come, I need a break.... ok dad, I'll do one thing, I'll check out if my batch mate can take up my work too for couple of weeks..."
"Ok prasad, let me know when are going to come..."
"ok dad..."
"ok prasad, take care, bye..."
"bye dad.."

After that call, I couldn't wait for to go home. Took off from the lab for the day and went back to room...

I have shifted to new flat with Avinash last week, just two blocks away from the lab, my batch mate who just joined couple of months back. I told him the situation he readily agreed to cover up for me. Luckily my professor was going to Canada for a paper presentation there, he wasn't going to come back for a month and the developments of my work was hardly showing any improvements. These little things cleared all my tensions and I booked a flight ticket for next week. be continued